When I say, “You have to be selfish.” the reaction I get is usually surprise, confusion, discomfort, or even outright refusal.

Being selfish feels wrong. It's the exact opposite of what we've always been taught to be.

Know what I mean?

Most women spend their entire lives taking care of other people:

Spouses, children, bosses, coworkers, friends, family. . . Pretty much anyone and everyone—except for themselves.

But that failure to be selfish? In reality, it's. . .

• keeping your extra weight on

• forcing you to live at the mercy of everyone else's requests

• fueling your feelings of being unworthy, undeserving, or unseen as you get older which long term leads to resentment

So what happens when you ARE selfish? (or self-ness as I like to call it.)

It gives you permission to take care of yourself.

You're able to set boundaries, lose weight, and finally start taking care of you.

You can navigate through your responsibilities in a way that still honors you, your desires, and your goals.

Self-ness isn't about being rude or totally inconsiderate of others. It's just that, compared to how we're used to operating, self-care, and honoring ourselves looks extremely selfish.

So it's not always easy to operate from Self-ness, even when you understand how important it is. 

Putting yourself first, where you belong, is a process of relearning how to be appropriate in your life—how to take into consideration what YOU want and need.

And you may not even know where to start. How can you tell when you're putting yourself last, if that's what feels normal to you?  Here are a few questions to ask yourself to explore.

1. Do you feel exhausted at the end of the day?

2. Are you a short-order cook when it comes to meal time, making 2 or more different options?

3. Do you spend less than an hour per week on self-care just for you without interruption with someone else’s needs?

4. Do you make sure everyone in your family is awake, dressed, and out the door on time?

5. Do you join friends at a restaurant, regardless if there are foods that you want to eat there?

If you answered yes to at least 2 of these questions, chances are you are not putting yourself first.  You are making others the priority.  This will eventually lead to burnout or worse yet, resentment.  You are storing extra ounces on a daily basis and those ounces become pounds, little by little.

Have you ever flown before?  The attendant tells you to put your mask on before you assist anyone else, right?  Daily life needs to be handled the same.

You cannot take care of anyone else if you aren’t alive or able to do so.

Learning to put yourself first isn't easy. Making yourself a number one priority can feel backward, and you may find yourself slipping again into those old routines that put you last. If you'd like some guidance in identifying the ways in which you've been putting yourself after everyone else in your life. Let’s create your action plan to put YOU at the top of your to-do list once and for all!

Grab a free private session with me here.